“The Cat”

Holy historical importance, Batman #1 is a whizzbang. It is, in retrospect, pretty wild that after only a single year it introduces two characters that will, unbeknownst to its authors at the time I’m sure, remain absolutely central to the Batman universe right to present day. Not to mention its continuing use of Hugo Strange, who though decidedly less famous appears in some form in every continuity all the way to Rebirth.

The Joker’s first appearances in this issue are actually much darker than I imagined they would be. I erroneously assumed, largely out of ignorance of the pre-Crisis era, that the original Joker would lighter in tone than something like The Killing Joke. Maybe I had Cesar Romero in my head? But OG Joker is pretty damn malevolent (“I’ll kill you!”). Jewel theft is a major motivation of a lot of the early rogues. (I’ve heard this attributed to these being written at the very tail end of the Depression.) But The Joker’s MO in these first issues is straight up murder, maybe with a theft involved, but he’s plotting to kill multiple people in the first issue alone. The captions repeatedly describe him as consumed by hatred. His laughter is “funereal.” It renders his name immediately (and darkly) ironic. Maybe he deviates from this portrayal in the Silver Age or maybe his tone changes rapidly in more immediately future issues like Batman himself did with the introduction of Robin – I don’t know! I’ll find out! But, my point is I usually associate that kind of dark tone with Post-Crisis stuff, but here is The Joker trying to kill Robin in his very first appearance, so there’s a continuity in characterization I didn’t expect.

I say all this because Catwoman’s – or rather The Cat’s – introduction is a complete tonal 180 from the preceding two stories. It’s frothy, goofy, comedic. It’s completely nuts to me some of the things that happen in this story. And it features one of Batman’s most iconic single panels (sic). I’m concurrently reading post-Crisis Batman, starting, of course, with Miller’s Year One. (After The Monster Men, I was intrigued to learn that a lot of Golden Age stuff gets a revive in the Year One/Year Two era). But unlike The Joker, compared to her introduction here, Catwoman maybe got the darkest alteration to her character in the P-C books (though she is, importantly, ten thousand times cooler).

Okay, so. We’re on a yacht and an old woman has some mad expensive jewels. I have so many favorite parts of this story, but first, I enjoy that Bruce is at home reading the paper aloud, possibly just to himself. Second, why is Mrs. Travers bringing her 500,000 dollar necklace on board? Third, why is this printed in the paper? Why is this news! Oh, and there’s gonna be a masquerade party. How fun for us!

Anyway, Bruce thinks everyone’s gonna be there. But he has “another job” to do, so he decides to send Robin in by himself. Somehow he is hired as a steward on board the boat. Or he’s posing as one? But in any case, the other stewards seem to have accepted him as one of their own. There’s a bunch of people in Mrs. Travers orbit: her skeevy nephew, who has brought an old woman named MISS PEGGS he met while helping her walk with a bad ankle on board with him (NOT SUSPICIOUS), and her doctor? Who she apparently lends money to all the time because he keeps blowing it on the stock market? Anyway, they’re all lookin’ to get their grubby mitts on her necklace and/or cash.

We stan a janky king.

Robin searches his snoot for clues as to what might go down. Thankfully the skeevy nephew gets things started by suspiciously chucking a crumbled up note overboard, but “by a queer quirk of fate” the wind throws it back on board. Duder didn’t even make sure it hit the water. More confusingly, he was JUST talking to the old woman (who is, spoilers, The Cat in disguise) in the prior scenes. Why couldn’t they have briefly talked about this in person? Why did they need a mysterious note? BECAUSE.

The skeevy nephew is in cahoots with The Cat. Robin rushes to Mrs. Travers’ cabin but he’s too late! The necklace has been stolen!

You can tell Mrs. Travers is distressed because she too looks janky. Don’t worry, the coast guard shows up. They’ll help find the thief.

JUST KIDDING IT’S CRIMINALS! Then Mrs. Travers completely loses her gourd. I imagine her saying this with her mouth closed like a ventriloquist.

Every single face in this issue is unhinged. A slow madness is taking over everyone on board.

A gangster pulls out his gun and is about to start blastin’ when Dick leaps into action.

I think I’ll change its appearance, he says, LIKE AN ALIEN.

“Get that kid!” “If you want to get me you’ll have to get me first!”

BAD QUIPS BAD QUIPS. My treasures.

Batman then shows up because his other crime didn’t pan out. They lasso all the thugs. And then Batman? does? THIS?

BATMAN WHAT. Absolutely adore how much this issue loses its mind. He immediately risks Robin’s life for the sake of this fourth wall break. But, Robin takes on the four thugs and beats the bejesus out of them, so no harm, no foul (I GUESS). Then he TSK TSKs AT THE CAMERA (?) like he’s on The Office before turning directly to YOU! the reader:

Batman you are being quite bold asking us to ignore how you machine gunned a bunch of people down IN THIS VERY ISSUE.

Anyway, let’s forget all that. TIME FOR A MASQUERADE PARTY! WOO HOO! Goody goody! Goo!

Batman goes as himself and wins the prize! (Show off.) He returns all the stolen jewels. Hooray for rich people getting their gems back! Something we are all very concerned about.

But then the fire alarm goes off! And he notices… something peculiar.

Old Miss Peggs’ got some GAMS on her. They capture her and scooby doob her disguise, because the gams hepped Bruce to the fact that she is actually! THE CAT!

And then, as he removes the last vestiges of her disguise – her makeup – we are treated to one of the most unforgettable panels in all of Batman history.

What can I say? What words are appropriate in response to what we have just witnessed. Only these:

WHAT NEVER SEEN A PRETTY GIRL BEFORE??? The Cat’s face is only marginally less unhinged than prior faces. The Cat invites The Bat to join her in a life of crime. But alas, he cannot, despite how tempting it would be to do jewel heists with a hot babe.

Batman then takes The Cat on their little boat back to the mainland. The Cat understandably asks why Batman had to personally take her to the police. HE’S GOT HIS REASONS! SHUT UP!

The reasons? HORNY.

I cannot tell you how much I adore Batman going like, “Hmm.. nice night isn’t it, Robin? Doot dee doot dee doot.”

I am once again at a loss for words. This issue ends with Batman hornily daydreaming about Catwoman after letting her escape on purpose. Only ONE THING will come between Batman and his pursuit of justice: leggy dames.

ALSO, as Batman helpfully reminds us, HE IS ALREADY ENGAGED TO JULIE.

Tsk, tsk, Batman. “Hmm…” is right.

That’s it. That’s the story! Bat-boner to speed. I guess Frederic Wertham didn’t read this issue, which surely would have reassured him of Batman’s heterosexuality.

I thought it was really weird and out of character when Batman and Catwoman boned on a rooftop early on post-Flashpoint. And then I was surprised to see them doing kissing all the way back in Year One’s Catwoman: Her Sister’s Keeper. (Miller’s Year One, to which the aforementioned is a direct companion piece, seems notedly un-horny by comparison.) But little did I know this goes all the way to the top.

We actually don’t get a lot of Catwoman in this issue. Most of her panel-time consists of the aforementioned scooby-doobing and being threatened with Papa’s spanks. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, there is a strange and unfortunate kind of continuity between this Catwoman’s introduction and Miller’s re-imagining. Both are subject to terrible misogyny. Only this time, it’s Batman doing it. Who Catwoman is as, like, a human person remains to be seen as our quest continues.